friend: having a good time?

me: nope

f: why not?

m: i just want it to be over

that was my feeling half way through the Acentos anniversary jam. mind you, the show was going great. all the performers were money. fish managed the open mic marvelously. miguel algarin was one of the easiest most care free features i have ever dealt with (can i be there early so i can see the open mic?) and mayda del valle was able to come through as a special bonus feature to all our die hards. all systems go, everything should be smooth, right?

i wish that i could feel that way but until the last second, i am always expecting something to fuckin happen. (case in point- getting to the ox, the cab i was in was pulled over cuz he almost hit an undercover cop car and they had me waiting in the back for like five minutes as they are grilling the cabbie)

in the end, all my fears went unfounded. yes, the show went over time but that is the sad reality of these things- plan, plan, plan and then pray.

the other thing was just how the whole thing was much bigger than any one person or performance. even with the bookends of nuyorican poetry on the mic (miguel- founder of the cafe & editor of Aloud and mayde- first latina to win the indy title at nats and nuyorican grandslam champ) the whole event was pretty huge.

ya know, not for nuthin, but i never pictured it would get this far. not cuz i didnt think we would make the year but just cuz i always thought about it as the next show, the next show. that is always the most important show- the next one. not the anniversary one, not the special feature one, just the next one.

thanks to everybody who stuck around to the bitter end, not only did ya get to see a rare appearance from ms del valle but the free drinks and pizza was just our lil way of saying thanks.

i havent even looked at the guestbook, yet. last year, when i was reading through it i really broke down and had a cry like i havent ever had before. and i was still pretty fuckin closed off back then so who knows what would happen now.

the coolest thing about yesterday- the fact that a year ago, i didnt know half the people who make my life great. i didnt know rich, jess, nina, maria, matt, juan, eliel, girsel, toro, raina… none of em. now, i can look back and see some great moments that we have shared. not all of them life altering, some of them just plain fun.

enuf wit dis- i’m getting sappy and incoherent. to all of y’all that now- i love ya.