tonight on ER: open mic madness hits the hospital

this particular case of gout came from way left field, y’all. i am not sure if it was the ride up to amherst or the swigs from the scotch bottle, maybe it was both but that dont matter ice cubes in february righ now. i spent all day monday in bed, took some meds and thought i would be over this with the quickness but here is saturday and i can barely walk.

the swelling is all in the front of the knee which means that i am in mad pain when my patella is in flexion so any time i have it at a right angle, im phuked. this aint dat bad since i can stand pretty well and pimp limp across a room with some 70s huggy bear flair just dont ask me to do any kinds of stairs or to sit comfortably.

the opposite is kinda worse, when the rear of my knee catches it and it hurts to straighten the leg. walking becomes una ventura llamada jodido and standing makes me sweat like a bull with lil releif from sitting since the tender area is hot as hell.

the all time winner- both knees infected at the same time (add in the ankle as well for one particularly fun weekend)

the most common- one of mah toe joints going all 99 luft balloons on me

the normal thing for a sane human to do is get mad bed rest but if i was any kind of a conformist what would i be doin yellin on stage and desperately tryin to get republished? instead you will see me at the dodge poetry festival, at urbana, helpin people move to a four story walk up, algarins readin at the nuyo, singles dinner or partyin at a club… yeah, yeah, i know.

right now i am at an ER waitin for a cortisone shot and new meds. this revelation of common sense came from talkin to a friend and almost collapsin on the floor like a spaz cuz your knees couldnt figure out what to do with itself.

love ya like thermometers love mercury

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1 Comment

  1. Have you ever considered taking the stage name of “G-Out”? If “M&M” Eminem takes license at being so un-creative (is that a word? I’ve never played Scrabble, but I bet someone who has would know the answer), why shouldn’t you?

    Don’t make me come all the way from Chicago to beat the uric acid out of you so you’ll stay in bed and stop moving people around. Then again, I guess that would cure you. And it’s better than laying off the scotch.

    PS If you’ve forgotten, ask Seve who this kid from Chicago is that has the balls to follow your blog…

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