The New Math

For every great kick ass “omygawdyoumisseditsun!” event, there is always a reading that ranks somewhere below a mollusk’s manhood, ya know? It’s just the nature of the universe. Now, getting people to actually admit to this requires a whole different science. A fragile ego dictates that most poets have never featured or hosted an event that didn’t look like a Michael Jackson concert in the 80s in the middle of Asia (© UPHA).

A good way to cut through the bull.sheet is to calculate “core audience” which is the number of “total audience” minus any one who is featuring, the host(s), folks going on the open mic, any organizers in the room or any staff of the establishment. This will be a much better gauge of who you are actually reaching.

Last night at the event I hosted at the Bronx Museum of the Arts, we started with a “core audience” of four people. I could have said six but I really am not going to go so low as to the count the toddlers in the room even though they were quiet through 90% of the event and well mannered.

Luckily I brought with me 20 kids from both the dance program and the teen theatre program as showcase performers. Reversing our previous equation, I can now add them, Raj, your truly, the three open micers in the room, and two folks from the BXMA and now we’re makin’ progress. The kids were really amazing and were loud and proud for the whole event earning all kinds of props from me.

Something like this happened when I hosted for the BCA once, the “core audience” started at three and I just refused to let the energy dip which is pretty easy when you have four friends that can rip any open mic in the country.

Now that I ducked that bullet and earned me self a 2’x3’ poster that says OPEN MIC HOSTED BY OSCAR BERMEO in big nasty letters (ego = satisfied), I can let you fockers know that I will be back at the Bronx Museum in two weeks with some more ammo in my gun as Tony Brown, Kyra and Eliel Lucero will be featuring, I’ll be hosting and you cyber.mofos will be in the house. It’s going to be more fun than naked calculus!

Love ya like Euclid loves geometry…

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